To mark International Fathers’ Mental Health Day, Scott Mair, Founder of Fathers Beacon and Head of Training and Community at Fathers Network Scotland, looks at the steps being taken to support dads, birthing partners and father figures when their mental health suffers with the arrival of a new child.

This feels like a timely opportunity to shine a light on the experiences of dads during the perinatal period – indeed, the experiences of and the importance of their mental health and wellbeing during this life changing time.

Cultural norms are shifting. We can see a considerable change in the role that dads play within the family, but misconceptions remain around how dads navigate pregnancy, birth and beyond.

I recently carried out some research ‘I am a parent, not an infection risk’ with fellow fathers’ mental health champion Mark Williams. This highlights that a significant number of fathers and birthing partners will experience changes in their mental health during the perinatal period. But, surprisingly, 85% of dads said that they were never asked at any point how their mental health was!

The way the perinatal system has been created doesn’t always lend itself to an inclusive, supportive experience for dads and I don’t think professionals working in perinatal services always know how to handle a father.

My experience was just “be strong,” “be stoic,” “be that support”.

Often for dads there is anxiety around the unknown yet there is not always a space or opportunity to explore this. There is also a stigma that seeking support means you are doing something wrong in your parental role. We need to make clear to dads that this is not the case - that their experiences are a common response to life changes and challenges.

Support for dads

We had a very difficult pregnancy and birth with my youngest. He was in a neonatal unit and my wife was very unwell, and I didn’t know who to speak to.

That’s where peer support helped me. The sharing of experiences in a mutual and supportive way filled that support gap and has been central to my own mental health and wellbeing.

Deciding to set up peer support, or to try and be that support, just came from the fact that I looked for it and when I needed it, it wasn’t there. And I really did struggle: my mental health was quite badly impacted during this period. But I believed that I couldn’t possibly be the only person who had felt like this, and I couldn’t be the only father who was impacted by having a sick baby and a sick wife. Surely, I wasn’t the only one?

So, the reason I set up peer support activities was lived experience. Lived experience is fundamental to peer support. When you speak to someone who’ll show you empathy above sympathy, that’s more often than not the person you’ll open up to. And when you know someone has been through it, navigated it and come out the other side, it does give you reassurance.

As well as running peer support activities I have also been involved in the creation of a new resource to help people plan and deliver perinatal peer support. The Scottish Recovery Network’s Let’s do Peer Support: Bump, Birth & Beyond toolkit draws learning and experiences from a range of people and organisations already delivering perinatal peer support, to support others in doing the same. 

Changing the system

It takes time to shift cultural norms and stereotypes, but we can see that the landscape to help create this change is growing.

Many are campaigning at a strategic level for paternal mental health to be better supported and resourced. As part of this we need systems change to shift the existing culture and narrative around the role that dads play.

Brilliant initiatives like Dads Rock are leading the way in providing support. In different groups and organisations across the country (mainly within the third sector) we also see lots of innovation. At Fathers Network Scotland we have created a directory of organisations and activities. From antenatal classes to a whole host of workshops – dads in the woods, sleep, first aid, informal chats, podcasts, nights out.

It’s time to recognise that culturally the role of dads has changed enormously, and dads, birthing partners and father figures deserve to feel equally supported, valued and included throughout the perinatal period and beyond.

For me it makes sense that to have thriving new generations, we need thriving families. And for families to flourish, dads need support too.

The Bump, Birth & Beyond animation premieres today (19 June) at 12 noon on Scottish Recovery Network - YouTube.

Fathers Network Scotland is a charity that exists to improve children's lives and outcomes through the positive involvement of dads, father-figures & whole families.

Read more: 580% rise in mental health calls; Perinatal and infant mental health funding extended; The birthing charity for new Glaswegians; Mental health: including men at the margins

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